People-pleasing
You’ve gotten really good at seeing or sensing what others need. This may even be a superpower in some ways, but you know it’s taking a toll on you. You’re so ready to give, provide, support, help — to do all the things for others — but it feels like you either aren’t getting that in return or really struggle to do that for yourself. Maybe both. You are so quick to say yes, to immediately answer that text, to drop everything to be there for someone, that you don’t even take a minute to see if you actually have the space or energy to do that. Then you end up beating yourself up for not knowing how to “set boundaries” or “do self-care” — whatever that means.
This might look like:
Struggling to ask for what you need
Putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own
Staying quiet or changing your opinion to keep the peace
Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings
What We Do in Sessions:
In the first few sessions, we’ll take time to explore what is possible if you shift your people-pleasing strategies and begin to center yourself and your needs more. We’ll get an idea of what you want and need in your relationships, whether it’s at work, with friends, or at home. We’ll work toward ways for you to connect with yourself before you automatically default to what others want or need.
We also explore where the people-pleasing started — how it took shape, and the ways it may have actually served you. It's likely an important part of your story, with a history of its own.
When it's a good fit, we may use EMDR to work directly with the moments that taught you your needs came second, so they carry less weight going forward.
The awareness that this is something you want to change may also come with some worries or fears about what this means, so we’ll take time to attend to that as well. At some point, this idea of “setting boundaries” comes up and we’ll look at what that even means. We may do some somatic exercises to explore how different boundaries feel in your mind and body, just to start to get a sense of what is possible.
What Becomes Possible:
You’ll get to know yourself much better. You’ll be able to find yourself in the midst of competing pulls in different directions. With practice, you’ll start to catch the moment right before you default to yes, you’ll take a pause where you actually get to choose how you want to answer. You’ll check in with yourself first: what you want, what you need, what you actually have room for. Boundaries stop being just a term you’ve heard of and become a feeling, a knowing, in your mind and body.
Your relationships start to feel more mutual. You’re not just the one giving — you get to receive, too. You won’t lose your capacity to give and be there for others, but you’ll be able to give and be there for yourself as well. People get to know the real you, not just the version of you managing everyone else’s needs. There’s relief in that. You get to trust that your needs matter as much as anyone else’s, and start living like they do.
Ready to reach out?
CONTACT
reannanlasttherapy@gmail.com
858-224-2250
WORKING HOURS
Tuesday - Friday
mornings only, PST and EST
Reannan Last
Licensed in California & Pennsylvania
CA: LCSW 124925
PA: LCSW CW025673
Licensed for telehealth only in Florida
TLHT provider registration number TPSW6245